false

Don't see me; don't acknowledge me. I'm busy hiding over here behind my walls of identities, all differing from each other and splitting and protecting separate parts of me but ultimately making me feel confused, like I don't know who i am or what to do with myself anymore.

I have to feel safe like this, even if it isn't real, or I'll never say anything. I'll never talk to you if I think you'll say something back. Or, if I don't not expect something back. If I think that you should be responding and you aren't, my mind will just jump to horrible conclusions usually involving me not being worth your time and/or you liking me at all etc etc. If I don't expect anything back, I can go on and on endlessly, without pause, without expecting or fearing anything. Then I leave to let it sit and simmer, while I sleep and move on, for you to discover later. Much later. Though I am still expecting somewhat of a reply. Just something. To prove that you read it. To prove that you care.

But I am only pushed to tell people things at late late hours of the night when no one is around. When no one is there. If you were there, I swear, we'd be having the deepest of conversations. We'd be discovering so much about each other. You'd be learning so much; I'd be saying so much.

So be there for me, please. Someone. Follow my pattern and be there for me. I promise I'll be there for you.