Poison

I am eating the poison of these words, again and again, just as you did, years ago

"No one really liked you. Grow up. You know? Something you should've done when you were my age."

Though I feel pathetic for letting this pain get to me

get to me it does

and it starts to tear into me from the inside out,

beginning at the center of my core, my heart,

burning its way out, slowly

Things are building up like the pressure of water against a dam

and I can't help but think

that everything happens for a reason

this rush of pain, all of it

it's happening for a reason.

Though I know not its course.

Fear, insecurity, foolishness

How could I have trusted them?

How could I have thought I meant anything to them?

When I confided my fears, the story of my life, to her,

what did I expect in return?

Why should she open up to me?

Why should she lean on me?

I deserve not to be leaned upon.

This time,

the breaking was done to me.

I broke nothing.

Why did I think they would understand my unspoken directions

my misdirected pleas?

I was becoming vicious, uncharacteristically so, because

something was wrong.

Could you not see that?

No.

You labeled me as a troll,

though I wanted to be sweet,

bitterness is all that flowed.

I need to escape,

escape into reality.

Yet I cannot.

I am left here with nothing but my thoughts

my insecurities

and the burden of a secret on my chest,

eating away at me, in my reality

Are you out there?

Are you okay?

I'll never know.