Something Wrong With Me

I just push people away with ugliness
try to make them hate me

when provoked
I will lose all sense of right and wrong
just thinking of what will make me satisfied now
what will make this feeling, this monster inside of me,
grin with utter delight
devious delight

I will pummel you to pieces
with words or actions
until the demon within me smiles
and cackles at your pain
utterly delighted at what power I have
at what I have done

then I have to live with the end results
and convince myself that that is what I want

the boy I almost beat up who was afraid of me for a time
(and isn't afraid of me anymore, sadly, sadly)
the boy I kicked in the face
the boy I placed the pinching crabs in hand, only to pinch his palm and hurt him
the girl I tried to crush with words
the girl I threw a basketball at, hitting her on the head

viciously

the boy I sent hateful words to
(due to fear of being used, abused, manipulated
yet the ironic thing being, if I was wrong and the words were true, it would hurt him even more)



I'm telling you, truly, I don't need friends
and if they are my friends they should be able to love all of me
even the darker side of me that cackles at the revenged pain of others
cause by me, for me, crushing them



Don't love me
I'm the monster here
How could you love me?
I'm the monster here.








Let's lose ourselves to nothingness.