Misplaced Dreams

When I was in high school, there was so much possibility for the future. It didn't matter if I slipped up here and there with grades in high school. Once I got to college, it all started over and was disregarded. The future seemed impossibly bright.

Back then, I had three paths I wanted to take once I entered college. Computer programming, astronomy, or psychology. I decided to explore these best I could before entering the linear path of college, where every class you took was aimed towards your specific major. I took Netweb Design, Astronomy, AP Psychology. Loved all of them.
Lingering in the back of my mind was always writing. But I've always been told not to major in such a thing, for in reality it gets you nowhere.

Based on the majors I wanted to love, I chose schools excellent for them. I dreamt of going to Stanford, majoring in psychology, getting a masters in it, learning all there is to know about the human psych. A topic that I'd loved going through in high school, loved learning all the little bits and pieces about over that year of AP Psychology. And still I find the human psyche incredibly fascinating and would love to study more about it, learn more, discover more, understand more...
Neumont is my tech dream school. All the way in Utah. Definitely colder than Texas. And definitely much more expensive than any college in Texas. But it looks so wonderful and it's everything that I'd ever want in a college and I really want to go there I have a huge poster on my wall from there and everything I got cool mail from them asked them to send me cool things yet still alas not going there never going there too far too expensive too much no.

As for Astronomy...that's always been a passive interest of mine. Like writing. Yet a bit more directionless. Because what would I do? How would I make money? Would I enjoy it? I just don't know. I have no idea. So I'll keep taking astronomy courses (Stellar Astronomy!) trying to explore knowledge and possibilities. But probably not going in that directionless direction...mmmm.

Another reason that I'll never accomplish any of my initial dreams is that I fucked up. Big time. I failed to get perfect grades. Actually failed one course. So now no school will ever want me. It's what everyone tells me. And financial aid will rebel against me if this keeps up, and then I'll have nothing. No funds, no future, nothing. 

The only solution? Fuck college get a job. 

Yet I so don't want to.