Motherless

So the first week of school, high school for my sister, college for me, is going to be spent precariously without my mother, who is in Puerto Rico for ten days because her mother is in the hospital. You know, I don't think I've ever been so long without the competency of my mother. I'm in charge while she's gone, pretty much. I do everything she would have been doing. Laundry. Dishes. Cleaning. Cooking. Hosting a party.

God, there's so much.

AND I STILL DON'T HAVE MY LICENSE. I HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT MYSELF for me blacking out and whiting out today. I was almost home, too, when I just wanted to walk for a little bit. That was my mistake. My theory is, if you don't stop, you can push through the fatigue that's waiting for you at the end of your journey. But as soon as I started walking, the black spots started covering my vision, so I decided to stop for a little bit in the shade. Then I decided I was well enough to continue. Which I was wrong in assuming. The world darkened so much I couldn't tell if I'd properly crossed the street into the shade when I fell down upon the grass the second time. I sat there for a while, my sister looking at my worriedly. We even prompted a truck to pull up next to us and ask if we wanted him to give us a ride home. We declined (hesitantly). Stranger danger and all that. And he had a white pickup truck, too....

That was when we decided to call someone we knew for possible help. Problem: everyone's left for college. Jacob's bike was broken and our call was dropped. Andrew didn't respond to my text, though, really, if I was serious about calling for help I would have actually called him. I felt so pathetic. Really, I was so close to my street, so close to being at home, and here I was, unable to take a step forward without my vision warping. Darkening.

I decided to press on, eventually.

That was when things got really strange. Instead of my vision darkening, it brightened. Like, everywhere that sunshine hit became ten times brighter, as though it was overexposed film. It was like my life has suddenly received the special effects of movies and videos. It was quite strange, to say the least, but at least I could see the things around me, and press forward with my bike and the two textbooks in my star backpack slung over my shoulders. No cold water.

I refused to give into oblivion.

I can't help but wondering: is this how life will be if my parents divorce? With my mother working all the time, my father out of the picture, and I taking care of the children, the house. So much responsibility. But we'll get by, that I'm sure of.

We'll get by.