I feel like I forced you into this instead of letting you be comfortable and grow
because otherwise I'd simply fall apart

I used to be strong for you now you're strong for me

No one can protect me from the things that only harm my stupid mind

It's always me that turns wonderful things into terrible things

Each case of loneliness
is always my fault

What do I hope to accomplish
by always letting the sadness consume me

You think that everything is going to go bad so you throw it all away

I cry all the time and get upset about everything I'm not even close to being even slightly okay

don't forget that

Everyone should give up on me

Unexpected

The night that I slept over at my boyfriend's house, in the morning when i was returning from the bathroom, i apparently perfectly performed a martial arts technique that even he hasn't mastered and he just sat there astonished, looking at me like i should know what i did
I shifted my weight and moved in such a way that i disappeared out of sight for a moment as i dipped down, and then launched myself into his bed and beside him, all in a matter of a fraction of a second
all this and i wasn't even awake yet


this and other subconscious occurrences of my perfect execution of martial arts moves just make me wonder...if i actually learned to consciously harness this, how potent could i become?




it might be because i'm always restraining and confining myself while conscious...at the edges i'm always...more.

Wretched girl that I am, I made him hate his favorite song I'm always taking things away from him denying him joy no more sleep for me

Rival Set

A most poisonous set of companions
throwing others into chaos so that they may carry on ever so smoothly
uncaring of the consequences in the unbalanced lives

It'll never be any different; there is no escape.

I built her too similarly for this to ever not happen

"You acted like the you I fell in love with. And that made me happy."

I know Hunter better in a year than his family his entire life

Proper response to anything that scares you and stands in your way: destroy it

End

It's all over

I hurt you so badly for nothing
and I'm truly, truly sorry for that

nothing really ever lasts
everyone always leaves

and it's my fault

I'm selfish and an awful person an awful friend who treats everyone around me like shit
and I need to fix that

too sad, too often

"WHY ARE YOU PUSHING ME AWAY"

it's so simple to be sad and alone than to face my feelings
to hide and hide and hide and hide

i never want to exist

"You are so depressed."
"I'm sorry."

Dis oriented

Do you ever just wake up and forget which is reality and which is dream

I wish I could forget

As long as I have the internet and this sadness, I'll never be alone. Right?

Recluse

You know it's bad when you have to force me out of the house every day

Down

It gets so bad that I'm no longer myself
I'm no longer that smiling laughing shining girl that everyone knows and loves
I become something much different
filled only with sadness, no smiles

and I need help
but I'm not likely to get it anywhere

people can't help me with this
I have come to that point where I recognize that I have a problem, I know exactly what the problem is
I just have no idea how to fix it
and you don't either. no one i know does.

Farewell

Sometimes she leaves with a smile
Sometimes she leaves with a kiss
Sometimes she leaves with tears in her eyes
this girl I will always miss

Miss

The longer I go without seeing him the more I cry

I think that's the trend
or maybe it's all just a trick of my mind

Depress

I'm always sad all the time and I'm always crying all the time and I can't find a way to just stay happy the littlest things upset me and send me spiraling downward into a dark hole I've created specially for myself and I always make things worse I never make things better

I can't stand it and I don't know why you should have to really
no one should have to deal with me and my sadness

Losing

I feel like giving this back means giving up the hold on your heart your happiness

it feels like giving up losing


Because this means that Jordan wins this means that I lose in my stubbornness this means that I lose and he wins and I don't want him to win I never want him to win

and my only coping mechanism would be of course becoming horribly bitter about it and never playing Playstation ever again
which isn't good I was looking forward to so many games that you wanted to show me...