Disappear

I'm sorry, okay? That what I thought was awesome wasn't good enough for you. I'm sorry. It looked dumb. I'm sorry that I cared about it. I'm sorry that it mattered to me. I'm sorry that I took it seriously when obviously no one else was taking anything seriously there. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that I'm not good enough. I'm sorry I said anything. I took it down. It never happened. It's gone.

As is my happiness.

And the tears won't stop.

For the second time today.

Fortunately I'm not sitting in the middle of class today. No one wants a student to start sobbing in the middle of their lecture. And I'm sorry that I mumble. I don't really want you to hear me. I don't have any confidence in my words. Or in myself.

It's better not to feel anything at all. To not care for anything at all. For nothing to matter to you. Because then you can't get hurt. Then you can't get utterly crushed. Then you won't backtrack. Recede. Lose that progress.

You'll move forward.

Unlike me.