Meaningless

You taught me that Christmas is meaningless. It's a time of year to be selfish, to hoard and keep all the joy you have to yourself. It's a time of the year to buy the affection of your family members with gifts, a "tradition" normalized, accepted, and encouraged by society.

Christmas is not a time of joy. It is not a time of sharing. It's a time where a family can be as selfish as they want, and guilt all of their family members into staying at home. A time where affection can be shamelessly bought.

Last Christmas you guaranteed yourself to never have another Christmas with me. By considering it as our "Last Christmas Together," you have cursed yourself. For I know that that label could be indefinitely applied to as many future Christmases as you want. You have destroyed your infinite future.

You denied my call for help, my plea. A thing I don't do very often.

And now you will suffer for it.

First Attempt

I once tried to kill myself with a bottle of aspirin. But the bottle was too small and too old to hold enough to kill me. So I wept, and slept.

I try not to keep so much aspirin in my bedroom anymore. Just in case.

Old Scars

oh the old scars how they burn they burn

time may heal, but don't go reopening old wounds
it'll do you no good

I wonder

I wonder if you ever think about me anymore
and I wonder if you ever think about me when you're bored




does anyone miss me
does anyone remember me
does anyone recall good memories of me
are there any good memories of me?
was i a good friend? ever?


will you miss me when i'm gone

I feel like I forced you into this instead of letting you be comfortable and grow
because otherwise I'd simply fall apart

I used to be strong for you now you're strong for me

No one can protect me from the things that only harm my stupid mind

It's always me that turns wonderful things into terrible things

Each case of loneliness
is always my fault

What do I hope to accomplish
by always letting the sadness consume me

You think that everything is going to go bad so you throw it all away

I cry all the time and get upset about everything I'm not even close to being even slightly okay

don't forget that

Everyone should give up on me