Growing Gap

I've created a distance between us
by spending so much time with him
I feared it'd be like this
and he doesn't understand

Devestating

God, there's tears on my keyboard.

The Jon's no longer a part of SPG. They'll never be the same. And I missed out on their last performance together. I should have gone. I should have gone, no matter what.

Everything's ruined.

Memoir of Fear

I used to be afraid of hate. Of it growing in those I love until it blocked me out entirely. Then it became something more than a darkness haunting the edges of my dreams. It became reality.

Confession: I haven't been dealing.

Why would a mother call the cops on her own child? And lie about the situation into more extremes, even though nothing was going to actually fucking happen? Why the hell would she do that? Does she even know how scarring that can be? And then carry on like nothing fucking happened...leaving you to deal with it all by yourself. Why the fuck would she do that?

What do you do when you're the only person in the world that cares about someone? When not even their family gives a damn?


And on and on and fucking on.
Vague, stupid me. Going to idiots. 
Because I have to.  

Without Worth

My parents make me feel worthless.

I wonder if they realize?

Predator

I'd rather no one know precisely what it is I am capable of
so that I can always catch them by surprise
off guard
unexpected
with no room or time to
react

Contradictions

They want us to be able to live independently, to hold so much responsibility, yet at each step towards freedom they tighten the cage. Deny opportunities that will progress us forward, keep us contained in the space where we can do naught. Inhibit our growth, take away progress, load us up only on hindrances, and slowly suffocate us with the safety of unproductivity. Of home.

Dawning Realization

There's that moment
where your tear-streaked eyes look into his
and suddenly he realizes
suddenly it all becomes so clear,
the absurd amount of grief in your heart
and he the reason

You can see the horrible realization so clearly in his eyes
that you cannot bear it, and turn away